Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, he came in my armpit
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
