Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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