oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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