So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
