just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
