You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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