just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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