We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
