i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I believe in your delicious
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
