Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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