her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
