cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
