it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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