i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
