Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize