party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
