Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
