i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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