Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
