ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
