Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
