and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
