I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
