I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
