When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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