i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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