I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
