he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
