i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he thought i was a dude.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
