totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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