mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
