I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
