Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
