drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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