I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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