3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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