WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
