And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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