Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
