i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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