i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
