I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
