He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
