Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
