I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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