If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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