There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
