I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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