i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
