some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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