: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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