I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
