Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
