You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
