so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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