I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just had sex on a roof
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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