Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize