Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
