Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
