last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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