Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
