remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
