a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
