She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
